Craptastic mom

I have been a weird crying, mushy, sappy fucked up mess lately.  I can cry over juuuuuuuuust about anything.  I am not pregnant.  Thank Jesus.  I already feel like a mother who wants to eat her young.  I got so mad at DJ today I am pretty sure I wanted to throw him down the stairs.  Scary right?  I almost scared myself with the thought.  It isn't even laughable, and sitting here writing it makes me cry.  That boy can make me so mad I feel like i am going to lose it. My brother (who doesn't even know I am an emotional fucked up mess or that sometimes I want to eat my young) said I should be on an anti-depressant.  Apparently (pretending like I may not know this already) I come from a fucked up psychological mess of a family.  And it is the cool thing to do! :)  I still can't get over the fact that I wanted to knock my muffin down the stairs.  Crazy.  Hopefully my 2 readers won't think less of me.

On to brighter news, the travel industry is booming and I have my ass back in gear.  I am motivated and on the prowl to get my Bethany Webster on.  I took a year long vacation.  lols  I love WV and all of the advantages it has already provided my family and friends.  I believe we can achieve greatness with this company - and I can't wait for the day that I can go to people (they shall remain nameless) who laughed and be like, it's funny now huh?  You like how i just replaced Rashad's income including insurance and now he is around getting on my nerves all the time?  lols  He wouldn't.  Be around all the time I mean.  Get on my nerves yes. 

Which leads me to a whole new thought.  What the fuck does my husband really want to be when he grows up?  Seriously?  Working away at this criminal justice degree and says he does not want to be a cop.  Jesus help me.  And he is so lucky I am his tutor, and fix all of his shit before he submits.  Lord the man writes like he talks - all country and shit.

My sweet Zavier had his 9 month appt today.  Breaks my heart.  I can barely even get him to hold still anymore and cuddle with me.  He doesn't talk back or do stupid shit to piss me off and I love him for it.  I was looking through pics yesterday and sat at my desk sobbing like someone killed him.  Ridic.
Katie took this picture and it is one of my favs.  It is so hard to remember Zavier ever being this "small".  Breaks my heart and make me cry all over again.  Fuck.  Get it together Howse!


 He is what DJ was until we had Zavier, and bought a new house, and put him in school.  Have I ruined my child's life this year or what?  Anyway - the boy was 25lbs, 30in and 97%.  Big ass boy!  takes after his daddy right?  I am trying to finish off these stage 2 foods and then the kid is going to mashed up table food.  GAWD this will require me to probably cook.  Who has time?  I did make dinner tonight though.  Your welcome Rashad.

burning eyes

every quarter i kind of disappear for a few weeks.  i hide at my desk and work my fingerds to nubs.  my eyes burn and i have a headache everyday from staring at my screen for uncountable hours.  i work really hard for a short amount of time so i can stay home with my little people.  i hate my job, my idiot lady that runs the company i consult for and the stress they put on me.   i am so underpaid and underappreciated.  ugh

by the way i need to thank katie for showing me how to blog from my phone.  sorry about the lack of caps but i cant figure out how to make big letters and punctuation happen.

so if anyone was wondering where i have been.....now you know.  i will reemerge from cocoon mondayish.

tata

9/11/01 - I will never forget

Who can?  Our country as I knew it up to that point (right before my 21st birthday) changed forever.  And keeps changing sometimes for the good and often for the bad.

I was in college at UNM (in mountain time) and my mom had called and woke me up saying I needed to turn on the TV because terrorists were attacking NYC and had flown a plane into the WTC.  The scary part was my mom was sitting on the tarmac at BNA awaiting take off when it happened.  She was luckily stranded there for 3 hours before the shut down the airport and let everyone off of her plane.  I always wondered if there was anyone on her plane or how many other planes had terrorists on them that we will never know about, because they never got off the ground? 

I watched the planes fly into the towers over and over and over.  Got up and went to class, which thankfully was then closed.  Albq was a suspected terrorist plot area because of the Sandia Labs so everything was closed down.  I went to my sorority house and everyone was in the informal living room on the white leather couches watching the news.  We were all scared for Darby's sister who at the time worked in the towers, and waited until they had heard from her. 

Just talking about 9/11 makes my eyes and nose burn and brings the tears.  I can't imagine what it was like for all of the families trying to rebuild without their husbands, wives, children, grandchildren and grandparents.  Devastation and hatred for something that we possibly could have controlled.

I cried in the Starbucks drive-thru line waiting to place my order, reading facebook and all the 9/11 posts. 

Fuck - I have been crying for a few days now.....am I prego or pms'ing??  Why am i so emotional?  I know i am not prego!  Fuck I better not be, can you imagine?????  AHHHHHHH

I am done remembering and can't wait for 9/12/10 to get here already.

Virgin

So I have numerous friends that have blogs and i was inspired to start one. I may not let anyone read it for a while, but inspired none the less. A couple of blogs I read are about weight loss, triathalon peeps, mom's, funny shit, I mean the list goes on. I love reading other people's lives because mine, to me, is kinda boring.

So like Katie and Misty I am all about some OCD organization and bullet points. Bullet points are sexy and clean. I like that.

• I wish i could use more inspired bullets, like hearts and stars and shit. What's up with that?

• I highly recommend if you don't like cussing (south) or swearing (north), you IMMEDIATLY don't pass go and stop reading this blog. You will be offended in so many ways. I am guaranteeing this. I have the pottiest mouth on the planet. Yipes, I even offend myself sometimes!

• I have 2 sugar boogers that make me crazy. I don't claim to like them all the time but i do love them. Hello, I gave them life! I have to love them. But they are huggy and squishy and annoying all wrapped up into one. I am sure you will read lots about that.

• My husband is a hot, sticky, sometimes sexy mess. I love him, bless his heart. But he also can make me nuts. Love.

• My family is insane. I am sure we will get there.

• Bec/ my mother is insane I am OCD and have to have control of all things in my life. I blame her often. But i also like being OCD. lol

• We just bought a new house and it is my dream home. DREAM HOME. I loved our first house, but this house is ridic. It makes me feel so happy and proud at what we have achieved. Now if I could get really good at cleaning hard wood floors.

• This background on the the blog is me. Serene (ya fucking right). I picked it because melon is my fav color most days and it makes my eyes POP!! Too bad I am allergic to red dye #9 and can't wear all of the eye shadows that look melony/bronzy. Whatev. Who has time to put make-up on??

• I am busy. Crazy busy. And then not all rolled into one. sigh

• I just got back from a vaca (more on that later) and I am ready for another asap.

• If I didn't have Katie with me all the time I would not remember shit. I suck at retelling stories, mostly because I half ass pay attention, and a lot of time only half care. But to go along with my defense I have permanent prego brain damage from my heathens. I can't remember shit. There will be posts about dry cleaning I promise. lols

I love this idea and can't wait to eventually share it with my friends who might actually give a rat's ass what is going on in my life/mind. It is not going to be pretty all the time. I likes that.